Self Help Infos

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Tuesday, November 10, 2009

Are You A Player, Or Just Someone Who Wants To Date Better?

Posted by patrick

By Jayde Johanssen

There are so many negative connotations and generalisations when it comes to dating. Its little wonder people find dating so intimidating at times. If a bloke is too shy to approach a girl he is called "weak", a guy who has the courage to approach a girl is called a "player". A girl who shows interest in meeting guys is called "easy", one who shows no interest is called "frigid".

These types of label are many and varied and they are a problem. They make you feel like you need to justify your dating decisions. It can go further than that too. They can change your decision making process putting you in situations you don't want to be in. They can put you off dating altogether.

The label "player" is coming up quite frequently at the moment. Its typically used to describe a man who dates many women and discusses his dates with other men. That is what this article is about.

Why is it that a man faces negativity when he makes an effort to actively meet, date and better understand women.

Women are much better at discussing their romantic life with each other than men are. Therefore they are much better at learning from each other. However there are groups of men who have set up little communities, with the simple aim of learning how to better interact with women to produce a more mutually beneficial and enjoyable dating experience.

What this means is that women are afforded the luxury of learning about men and dating, through the sharing of experience. Comparatively, men are not. Men by and large must learn as individuals, from their own mistakes.

I believe there are two factors which contribute to this. Firstly, men are pressured by women along the lines of "a gentleman never kisses and tells". This expectation exists and is held dear by all the women who are quite happy to meet their friends and discuss even the most intimate details of all their experiences. There really is a lack of balance here. Secondly, men are often very competitive among themselves, particularly when it comes to women. This causes meaningless banter and bravado when they'd be better served with honest communication and the exchanging of ideas.

This causes a big issue in our society today. If you, as a man, actively pursue learning and self improvement in the romantic part of your life, you will create a more harmonious and enjoyable experience for yourself AND the women you are dating. This is a good thing. If being called a player is a barrier to this (ie. it makes you feel uncomfortable about sharing your experiences with other me and/or looking for advice), it becomes a inhibitor to your happiness and the happiness of the women you date. That cannot be good!

So, if you are a single man, you probably know already what I mean. If you are interested in self improvement, particularly when it comes to meeting and dating, you are not a player so don't be afraid. Just find some other men who are already doing this and all will be fine. There are communities of men who are doing this already and have joined together specifically to improve themselves in this manner. The key to this though is to always do it in a manner that is compassionate to the women you are dating.

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