Does Couple Counseling Really Save Marriages?
Posted by
patrick
Couple counseling is eventually where a rough marriage leads, especially when both people are seriously invested in the relationship and do not want it to end. The problem is that there is no magic in talking out your problems with an objective third party. In some cases, therapy will work magic while others will not be able to overcome an eventual separation.
So, what makes the difference here? Why are some couples able to work through their issues and return to a happy marital state while others simply fall apart no matter what steps are taken?
You may assume that it is a difference in the type of problems that each couple has to overcome, but that is not the answer. Couples facing the most extreme issues can make it through counseling and find happiness together.
The difference is that couples who make it work figure out that it isn't all about just talking out the problems. If you want to increase your chances of making your sessions really work, then consider 3 ways that seeing a therapist can really make a difference.
First, you have to be open to really listening to what your spouse has to say, even if it hurts. If you go into defensive mode and are just thinking about what to say to prove they are wrong, then you are not really listening. Stop thinking and just listen.
Second, you have to be willing to bare your soul and really state what you believe. You have to be completely open and honest even if it may hurt your spouse. This is how the root issues get uncovered.
Third, you have to stop name calling and finger pointing and just get down to feelings. All the things you normally fight about are really just masks for larger underlying issues, and those issues are often emotionally based.
So, being honest without blaming and listening to your partner as they reveal their truth in the same way is the biggest hurdle that couples who make this work have to overcome. The next hurdle is taking the things you hear and turning them into real action. Both of you have to take action to make things better, as that is what ultimate fixes the problems you uncover.
For couple counseling to work in your favor you have to stop worrying about being right and protecting yourself and be vulnerable to the issues that are really hurting you. That is the only way.
So, what makes the difference here? Why are some couples able to work through their issues and return to a happy marital state while others simply fall apart no matter what steps are taken?
You may assume that it is a difference in the type of problems that each couple has to overcome, but that is not the answer. Couples facing the most extreme issues can make it through counseling and find happiness together.
The difference is that couples who make it work figure out that it isn't all about just talking out the problems. If you want to increase your chances of making your sessions really work, then consider 3 ways that seeing a therapist can really make a difference.
First, you have to be open to really listening to what your spouse has to say, even if it hurts. If you go into defensive mode and are just thinking about what to say to prove they are wrong, then you are not really listening. Stop thinking and just listen.
Second, you have to be willing to bare your soul and really state what you believe. You have to be completely open and honest even if it may hurt your spouse. This is how the root issues get uncovered.
Third, you have to stop name calling and finger pointing and just get down to feelings. All the things you normally fight about are really just masks for larger underlying issues, and those issues are often emotionally based.
So, being honest without blaming and listening to your partner as they reveal their truth in the same way is the biggest hurdle that couples who make this work have to overcome. The next hurdle is taking the things you hear and turning them into real action. Both of you have to take action to make things better, as that is what ultimate fixes the problems you uncover.
For couple counseling to work in your favor you have to stop worrying about being right and protecting yourself and be vulnerable to the issues that are really hurting you. That is the only way.
About the Author:
Want to stop your divorce? Learn what you can do now! Click here and check out: Couple Counseling or have a look at: Save Marriage and learn what you can do to get your spouse back forever!
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