Unlock the Door to Positive Communication Skills by Speaking with Good Purpose
Posted by
patrick
The foundation to any positive relationship is being able to Speak with Good Purpose. No matter the type of relationship, having positive communication skills maintains a level of trust and respect with the people we choose to surround ourselves with.
Gossip, complaints, insults, and other forms of negative communication, if prevalent, will eventually destroy a healthy environment. Negative communication can be extremely damaging. People must learn to avoid gossip, address grievances and concerns in a mature manner, and express themselves clearly and directly. This is why the act of Speaking with Good Purpose is the cornerstone of a healthy relationship.
Speaking with Good Purpose means much more than simply using positive language. To do so means we communicate with positive intent; and build others up by making our messages positive and direct. When we focus on positive conversation and solutions, we avoid repeating or encouraging negative comments and gossip. To do this, we tell the truth, air assumptions, and maintain integrity by apologizing when necessary.
When we control the thoughts we use, we are in effect, controlling the words they create. Every one of us has the power to choose positive, powerful thoughts or negative, damaging thoughts. Everything we think and say either has the power to build up, or tear down. The first step is awareness; becoming aware of the negative thoughts that pop into your head. Think for a moment about the voice in your head, the one that says, "You can't because " - the voice that derives reasons why you will fail before you ever try. What may be blocking you from asking for that raise, or asking that special someone on a date? You may be sabotaging yourself based on the negative thoughts your mind repeats.
Some of the most important questions you can ask yourself are, "What would you do if you knew you couldn't fail? What is holding you back?" Are you telling yourself that it is impractical, and dangerous to take risks? Take control of that voice and tell yourself how you will succeed. To Speak with Good Purpose to others, we must first be able to Speak with Good Purpose to ourselves.
You also need to listen carefully to how you speak to others. Less than 10 percent of our total message is communicated through the words we choose. Ask yourself, "Are my words encouraging and useful, or are they damaging to others?" Notice the tone of voice you use. Do you sound as if you're whining, defeated, or complaining? This can send a message of cynicism to the other person. We sometime unconsciously adopt patterns of speech that hamper our ability to communicate clearly. Once you're aware of a communication problem, you can begin to focus on change. You can choose to Speak with Good Purpose only, rather than saying whatever comes to mind.
When we find ourselves in conflict, positive communication skills suffer, and it can naturally become more difficult to Speak with Good Purpose. When you have a disagreement with someone, it can be difficult to clearly communicate your feelings without slipping into negative patterns like laying blame or attacking with a barrage of angry insults and accusations.
This, however, only instigates confusion and disappointment, hurt feelings, or even fights. Rather, by using positive communication skills to discuss disagreements clearly and logically, you bring understanding to the situation as you work together to derive a mutual resolution.
While at one well-known academic summer camp, students learn how to Speak with Good Purpose by also becoming better active listeners. Active listening is the art of listening attentively to someone and letting them know they have been heard. When we can effectively see the situation through another person's eyes, we know that we are active listeners. To overcome disagreement, the best way to reach a positive solution is to listen more and talk less. By doing this, we avoid emotions as we seek first to understand so that we may in turn be understood.
Take in what the other person is saying and try to understand them by standing for a moment in their shoes. Once they are finished, paraphrase what they have said to make sure you understand them, and then follow up with your point of view. This process earns you, "The right to speak." Once done, you will be able to truly understand the other person's perspective and effectively continue to Speak with Good Purpose to achieve a positive resolution to the situation.
Gossip, complaints, insults, and other forms of negative communication, if prevalent, will eventually destroy a healthy environment. Negative communication can be extremely damaging. People must learn to avoid gossip, address grievances and concerns in a mature manner, and express themselves clearly and directly. This is why the act of Speaking with Good Purpose is the cornerstone of a healthy relationship.
Speaking with Good Purpose means much more than simply using positive language. To do so means we communicate with positive intent; and build others up by making our messages positive and direct. When we focus on positive conversation and solutions, we avoid repeating or encouraging negative comments and gossip. To do this, we tell the truth, air assumptions, and maintain integrity by apologizing when necessary.
When we control the thoughts we use, we are in effect, controlling the words they create. Every one of us has the power to choose positive, powerful thoughts or negative, damaging thoughts. Everything we think and say either has the power to build up, or tear down. The first step is awareness; becoming aware of the negative thoughts that pop into your head. Think for a moment about the voice in your head, the one that says, "You can't because " - the voice that derives reasons why you will fail before you ever try. What may be blocking you from asking for that raise, or asking that special someone on a date? You may be sabotaging yourself based on the negative thoughts your mind repeats.
Some of the most important questions you can ask yourself are, "What would you do if you knew you couldn't fail? What is holding you back?" Are you telling yourself that it is impractical, and dangerous to take risks? Take control of that voice and tell yourself how you will succeed. To Speak with Good Purpose to others, we must first be able to Speak with Good Purpose to ourselves.
You also need to listen carefully to how you speak to others. Less than 10 percent of our total message is communicated through the words we choose. Ask yourself, "Are my words encouraging and useful, or are they damaging to others?" Notice the tone of voice you use. Do you sound as if you're whining, defeated, or complaining? This can send a message of cynicism to the other person. We sometime unconsciously adopt patterns of speech that hamper our ability to communicate clearly. Once you're aware of a communication problem, you can begin to focus on change. You can choose to Speak with Good Purpose only, rather than saying whatever comes to mind.
When we find ourselves in conflict, positive communication skills suffer, and it can naturally become more difficult to Speak with Good Purpose. When you have a disagreement with someone, it can be difficult to clearly communicate your feelings without slipping into negative patterns like laying blame or attacking with a barrage of angry insults and accusations.
This, however, only instigates confusion and disappointment, hurt feelings, or even fights. Rather, by using positive communication skills to discuss disagreements clearly and logically, you bring understanding to the situation as you work together to derive a mutual resolution.
While at one well-known academic summer camp, students learn how to Speak with Good Purpose by also becoming better active listeners. Active listening is the art of listening attentively to someone and letting them know they have been heard. When we can effectively see the situation through another person's eyes, we know that we are active listeners. To overcome disagreement, the best way to reach a positive solution is to listen more and talk less. By doing this, we avoid emotions as we seek first to understand so that we may in turn be understood.
Take in what the other person is saying and try to understand them by standing for a moment in their shoes. Once they are finished, paraphrase what they have said to make sure you understand them, and then follow up with your point of view. This process earns you, "The right to speak." Once done, you will be able to truly understand the other person's perspective and effectively continue to Speak with Good Purpose to achieve a positive resolution to the situation.
About the Author:
SuperCamp's academic summer programs have been improving the learning and life skills of kids and teens for 28 years. Does your son or daughter struggle with poor interpersonal and communication skills? Ten days at SuperCamp not only help kids and teens to gain these skills, but they also gain confidence, motivation, and specialized learning techniques to help them succeed in school and in life. Visit www.SuperCamp.com for more details.
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