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Saturday, June 13, 2009

Marriage Problems Solved - Words To Use, Words To Avoid

Posted by patrick

By Sabrina Summerfield

How long have you been struggling to solve marriage problems that have been hindering your happiness? More importantly, how much longer do you think you have until things completely fall apart and divorce is the only way out? If you are getting near the point of total desperation to fix your relationship, it is time to consider the way in which you are trying to communicate with one another.

There is one big difference between many couples who work out their problems and move onto a happy future and those that end in ruin: excellent communication skills. If you think you already have this and it isn't a problem, you are not alone. In fact, many people who come at their spouses all wrong and set up conflict often believe they have impeccable communication skills.

It is highly likely that you are doing this without knowing it. Something as simple as the tone of your voice or the exact words chosen to express a feeling can shut down the line of communication before it actually opens.

The issue is likely the huge rush of raw emotion that lies just behind every conversation you have with your spouse. This is an unavoidable fact of marital tension, but you have to recognize its existence before you can move beyond it. If you want to get through to your spouse, you will need to adopt new methods of opening conversations.

To begin with, you must approach your spouse at a time they are most open to communications. For instance, it will not suit you well to come at them when they just got laid off from a job or had a rough conversation with someone else on the phone.

Second, make sure that you do not phrase things that point a finger or even slightly hint that you are upset or they have done something wrong. This will immediately put their guard up in expectation of a fight.

Third, have your words carefully planned out ahead of time or even read from paper. You want to focus on your thoughts and feelings without accusing them or placing blame. Make it about you and include your feelings for your spouse and how much you love them in there as well.

This is a way to open the door for deeper conversation so that you move beyond the blame and angry accusations and really start to fix your marriage problems before it is too late.

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