The Signs of an Unhealthy Relationship or Lover :The Top 10 Signs
Posted by
patrick
A great relationship can be a source of support, fun and fufillment. But no one said it was every going to be a walk in the park. Relationship success takes time, effort and commitment.
There is no substitute for great - honest -to goodness advice when making good relationship decisions. It will be your saving grace when you need to honesty look at yourself, mate or situation - in order to make serious decisions.
In our fast lives and soppy romantic movies, we are fooled in to believing that relationship success is easy and effortless. No one ever takes the time to explain the strategies that could be implemented, the understanding that needs to be nurtured. Somehow it's all implied - by default you should know what works and what doesn't.
As if.
If you hear the neighbours whispering when you leave the house - they could be referring to you as either a spineless jellyfish or a quitter, depending on whether you stay in the unhappy relationship or leave.
My advice to you - is to be smart right from the beginning. Look out for the signs of an healthy relationship or lover from day one. Be aware, don't make excuses for their behaviour, but also there is no need to be unreasonable or unrealistic in your expectations. As over 60% of marriages now end in divorce - devour this sound advice when making your decisions.
Fore-warned is Fore-armed.
Unhealthy Relationship Types to Avoid
1. The Abusive
Sounds pretty obvious ladies and gents, but any form of physical abuse is not to be tolerated. Get out now especially if children are involved.
Take action to maintain your safety - immediately. Discuss the 'relationship' only from a safe distance if you still think that there may be something to salvage.
You are not responsible for their happiness, childhood, moods or feelings. We are only responsible for our own thoughts, feelings and happiness. Seek professional advice and support as you are not their therapist.
2. The Bitter Pill
They never notice your success, accomplishments,new shirt or haircut. They love to rub your mistakes or weaknesses in your face, and completely overlook your positive traits.
Putting other people down, makes their feeble egos feel better. They are energy and emotional leeches.
Using a neutral third party may be useful in getting them to see their behaviour in the light of day. Assuming you still want to work on the relationship. If not - get out fast while you still have your self respect intact.
3. The Two-Timer
Something doesn't seem quite right but you're not sure what it is. They love to interrogate you about your calls, cell phone or emails, but are very cagey about their stuff and movements.
They love to project their guilty selves on to you - making you responsible for their suspicions, moods, stress and taxes.
Collect evidence. Examine it. Get out soon.
4. The Power Trip
Do they sulk and get moody if you go out with your friends or family?
Look out for subltle control scennarios such as unexpected illnesses or catastrophes just before you are about to have a night out with your friends.
They are insecure and feel threatened by you and those in your life, despite your numerous reassurances.
If you are still willing to work on this - do so with the help of a neutral third party. But do ask yourself how long you are willing to put up with this?
5. You've Lost That Loving Feeling
Stress and tension could be the result of vastly differing drives, or a sudden loss of libido.
Discuss things openly and honestly with your lover. Sometimes just a few tweeks of time or help in the home could make all the difference.
Sensitivity and tact are very important in this situation. And problems in the bedroom could actually be an indication of problems in other areas of the relationship - i.e. anger, resentment, lack of and intimacy and boredom.
6. The Hippy or Wild Spirit
They belong to the 60's - carefree yet not so single.
They may actually be in more need of a parent then a partner. Often needy, posessive, and irresponsible they love to be taken care of.
If you stay with them for too long you will wind up tired and resentful.
7. In Need of Repair
A long list of hurts is what these desperate 'victims' cling to.
The hurts would fill an entire encyclopedia if only they had the will to write them down.
Due to the fragile nature of their egos, they will never accept your love and attention as the 'real deal'.
You may end up tired and bored of re-assuring them. Consider the use of a neutral third party who will be able to point out their negativity in a softer manner.
8. Self Love Gone Too Far
Their mum or dad told them that they were fabulous, the best thing since sliced bread. Unfortunately for you - they believed it.
Attachment to the adoring parent runs deep. Therefore they are always the cute and innocent party.
A reality check is in order here. If they do not listen to you, get a neutral third party involved.
Kick em to the curb if they still cling on to the 'i'm so wonderful' myth.
9. Cleanliness is Next to Godliness
What is that smell?! If you're like me and your stomach is not so strong, then poor personal and hygiene habits could make you run for the hills. Speed is of the essence.
I'm sure good personal care is a sign of a healthy mind - well atleast it's a start. Why would you expect anything less?
10. Hellooo - I do Exist
These people care more about themselves than you. That's the cold, hard truth of it. They want you to fuss over them, be there for them, but do think of expecting anything in return.
Implement the 'three strikes and you're out' rule. Tell them in simple and straightforward terms - the minimum behaviour, manners and consideration that you expect from them. If they still don't get after the second 'talk' send them on their way.
You are not a door mat or slave. Get out.
It is important to keep in mind that your behaviour and personality may be a factor in the unhealthy relationship. Always look at yourself first and determine whether you are contributing to this situation. If you feel that you have made grand efforts, have been honest and sincere, and have expressed your needs clearly and openly - and things still haven't improved, then it's time to make decisions. The use of a neutral third party will help them see their ways, but only if they are open, honest and mature enough to look.
Respect and consideration are the names of the game. You don't deserve anything less.
To your health and happiness!
There is no substitute for great - honest -to goodness advice when making good relationship decisions. It will be your saving grace when you need to honesty look at yourself, mate or situation - in order to make serious decisions.
In our fast lives and soppy romantic movies, we are fooled in to believing that relationship success is easy and effortless. No one ever takes the time to explain the strategies that could be implemented, the understanding that needs to be nurtured. Somehow it's all implied - by default you should know what works and what doesn't.
As if.
If you hear the neighbours whispering when you leave the house - they could be referring to you as either a spineless jellyfish or a quitter, depending on whether you stay in the unhappy relationship or leave.
My advice to you - is to be smart right from the beginning. Look out for the signs of an healthy relationship or lover from day one. Be aware, don't make excuses for their behaviour, but also there is no need to be unreasonable or unrealistic in your expectations. As over 60% of marriages now end in divorce - devour this sound advice when making your decisions.
Fore-warned is Fore-armed.
Unhealthy Relationship Types to Avoid
1. The Abusive
Sounds pretty obvious ladies and gents, but any form of physical abuse is not to be tolerated. Get out now especially if children are involved.
Take action to maintain your safety - immediately. Discuss the 'relationship' only from a safe distance if you still think that there may be something to salvage.
You are not responsible for their happiness, childhood, moods or feelings. We are only responsible for our own thoughts, feelings and happiness. Seek professional advice and support as you are not their therapist.
2. The Bitter Pill
They never notice your success, accomplishments,new shirt or haircut. They love to rub your mistakes or weaknesses in your face, and completely overlook your positive traits.
Putting other people down, makes their feeble egos feel better. They are energy and emotional leeches.
Using a neutral third party may be useful in getting them to see their behaviour in the light of day. Assuming you still want to work on the relationship. If not - get out fast while you still have your self respect intact.
3. The Two-Timer
Something doesn't seem quite right but you're not sure what it is. They love to interrogate you about your calls, cell phone or emails, but are very cagey about their stuff and movements.
They love to project their guilty selves on to you - making you responsible for their suspicions, moods, stress and taxes.
Collect evidence. Examine it. Get out soon.
4. The Power Trip
Do they sulk and get moody if you go out with your friends or family?
Look out for subltle control scennarios such as unexpected illnesses or catastrophes just before you are about to have a night out with your friends.
They are insecure and feel threatened by you and those in your life, despite your numerous reassurances.
If you are still willing to work on this - do so with the help of a neutral third party. But do ask yourself how long you are willing to put up with this?
5. You've Lost That Loving Feeling
Stress and tension could be the result of vastly differing drives, or a sudden loss of libido.
Discuss things openly and honestly with your lover. Sometimes just a few tweeks of time or help in the home could make all the difference.
Sensitivity and tact are very important in this situation. And problems in the bedroom could actually be an indication of problems in other areas of the relationship - i.e. anger, resentment, lack of and intimacy and boredom.
6. The Hippy or Wild Spirit
They belong to the 60's - carefree yet not so single.
They may actually be in more need of a parent then a partner. Often needy, posessive, and irresponsible they love to be taken care of.
If you stay with them for too long you will wind up tired and resentful.
7. In Need of Repair
A long list of hurts is what these desperate 'victims' cling to.
The hurts would fill an entire encyclopedia if only they had the will to write them down.
Due to the fragile nature of their egos, they will never accept your love and attention as the 'real deal'.
You may end up tired and bored of re-assuring them. Consider the use of a neutral third party who will be able to point out their negativity in a softer manner.
8. Self Love Gone Too Far
Their mum or dad told them that they were fabulous, the best thing since sliced bread. Unfortunately for you - they believed it.
Attachment to the adoring parent runs deep. Therefore they are always the cute and innocent party.
A reality check is in order here. If they do not listen to you, get a neutral third party involved.
Kick em to the curb if they still cling on to the 'i'm so wonderful' myth.
9. Cleanliness is Next to Godliness
What is that smell?! If you're like me and your stomach is not so strong, then poor personal and hygiene habits could make you run for the hills. Speed is of the essence.
I'm sure good personal care is a sign of a healthy mind - well atleast it's a start. Why would you expect anything less?
10. Hellooo - I do Exist
These people care more about themselves than you. That's the cold, hard truth of it. They want you to fuss over them, be there for them, but do think of expecting anything in return.
Implement the 'three strikes and you're out' rule. Tell them in simple and straightforward terms - the minimum behaviour, manners and consideration that you expect from them. If they still don't get after the second 'talk' send them on their way.
You are not a door mat or slave. Get out.
It is important to keep in mind that your behaviour and personality may be a factor in the unhealthy relationship. Always look at yourself first and determine whether you are contributing to this situation. If you feel that you have made grand efforts, have been honest and sincere, and have expressed your needs clearly and openly - and things still haven't improved, then it's time to make decisions. The use of a neutral third party will help them see their ways, but only if they are open, honest and mature enough to look.
Respect and consideration are the names of the game. You don't deserve anything less.
To your health and happiness!
About the Author:
Hi I'm Rebecca Adams - and i've been giving relationship tips to singles and couples. So whether your new to dating, just starting a relationship, walking the dating minefield, or happily or unhappily married - there's something for you! Pick up your free Gift today : The 8 Keys to Having a Great Relationship Experience -- And Why it All Starts With YOU!
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